Wednesday, December 25, 2013


So my teeth are super crappy. They are going to need thousands of dollars of repairs. Thousands of dollars that I don't have. Thousands of dollars that I am already spending on my kid. 

Where's the pause button. Where's the channel clicker. Maybe if I point the remote at my life something will change. 

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Deja Vu All Over Again

My gyno's office called about 9:30AM. Could I come in early for my Colposcopy and Cervical biopsy, they asked.


It seems there was "something funny" on my latest PAP smear and my doctor did not like it, not at all. So they rushed me in there and dug around and yeah, I'm not going into details.

Suffice it to say that after being a stirrup queen for how many years? Most of it was no big deal.

Transvaginal sonogram? You mean wanding, right? Yup. Been there, done that, got the ridiculously expensive bill.

But all of my experience and expertise did not stop me from bursting into tears on the table. So hard the doctor had to stop and wait for me to regain my breath.

And then we continued.

Monday, December 2, 2013

Still out there?

According to my blogger stats, I still have a follower.


I find it hard to believe that after being silent for a good long while, that someone would have the patience to still be there, waiting for me. Waiting to hear from me. Waiting to see if I am okay.


Hello, Follower. I am okay. Except for the fact that I am miserable.

How are you?

So, I've left New York City. I kind of had to.

Spunx was diagnosed with Autism about three years ago now. Which, can I say, was just such a FUCK YOU from God. You will struggle for years with infertility, you will break your back taking care of your crazy mother in law, and just when you start to think that there is hope in your life, your only son is autistic. Yup. What did I do, God? When will you stop pouring shit upon my head?

Spunx is five. Being in a blue state, we got lots and lots of therapy but. Being in New York City, its crowded. And there wan't room for him in the school. And my husband couldn't keep a job. Or stop spending money. And I couldn't support the family any more. And my father offered to let us move in with him. 

In Georgia.

So here I am. And I am okay. Except for the fact that I am miserable. And lonely.  And H is mad at me All The Time. And my father is mad at me. All The Time.

Spunx is hyperlexic, for those of you who chart. So he is, even now, playing with some damn toy that whistles and beeps and he is giggling and jumping and oblivious to all around him. Oblivious to the fact that Mommy is crying, that Mommy is sad.

But I am okay.

How are you?