Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Got drugs?

Irony: having enough coverage for the next IVF procedure, but not for the drugs...

Help! Ideas?

Monday, June 22, 2009

Now what?

I'd been gearing up for my next cycle. Cleaning up my diet, taking my supplements, going to acupuncture and the like.

And then I lose my job.

Now, I have a small severance, and I have COBRA, so I can continue. I gave enough room on my coverage for one more cycle, and I'm approaching the cut-off for the age, so I should go for it.

But my options are (1) that this one is successful, and I'm running around looking for work whilst pregnant or (2) this one isn't successful, and on top of everything else I've got this failure.

I know I have to -- I'm a year and change until I'm uninsureable under NY law. So I have to. But it feels so damn selfish...

I'm sitting here in a St@rbu€k$, contemplating my life and charging my phone. Oh, and spamming my blog as I keep publishing half-baked thoughts.

Hi. How are you?

I don't want to be negative. I don't want to be sad. I want to count my blessings and look on the bright side and find the silver lining and what not.

But I'm a spoilt American girl, and all I can see is what I don't have. (like a job).

Here's what I do have: a husband I like and love, a child I cherish, friends who support me. That can't be undervalued...

Here comes a bumpy ride.

Btw: I'm here waiting until I have a job interview of sorts. Wish me luck...


I haven't been unemployed in over five years. And then, it was just for a few weeks. Now, I don't have the hope for the job prospects that I once had. So I gave no thoughts as to my future.


I lost my job Tuesday.

How are you doing?

My manager bent over backwards to let me know it wasn't performance related, just the economy.

So now what?

Monday, June 15, 2009

Mama's picture

I found this picture. It used to be on the website of Mama's daycare. They cropped her out of the picture, which makes graphic (if not emotional) sense.

I still don't understand how she isn't here.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

God, I'm Boring

See above.

Hi. How are you?

I, currently, am dealing with, well, everything. I still haven't thrown away the photo of my last embie. It lurks in a pocket of my wallet and then everyso often, when I'm digging through looking for something (usually an emergency $20) I find it. My lucky number 7.

And I think, what happened?

On especially horrible days, I find Mama's medicaid card (also hiding in my wallet, in a different location). And, in general, I think, how did this happen?

How is it possible? How? I don't get it. I don't understand. Where did my mother-in-law go? She was here a minute ago. Filling our lives to oveflowing with misery and laughter in equal portion. It's so damn quiet without her. how can she not be here?

Yeah. SO.

I'm boring. Booooooooooooooooring. And decidely not funny.

And I miss my Mama.