I don't get people

There's a woman at work - she's out to get me. I know how ridiculous that sounds. But I swear to God it's true. Why she's out to get me, I shall never know. Is she intimidated by me? Have I offended her?
I am completely clueless. What is so wrong with me that I am someone she needs to get?

I am not good with people. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I'm not. I'm a loving, friendly person, but I have no friends. Well, few friends. Okay. No friends.

H used to tease me about it. No, tease is too kind a word. Mock me for it. Nobody liked me. I was too impossible. I was too difficult. He had, in the past, introduced me to people asking if they would be my friend - as I had no friends.

It was, can I say, not awesome.

And I wonder what the hell is wrong with me that no one likes me. What am I supposed to be doing, saying, that I am not. Who am I supposed to be that I am not.  One more failure in a long line of failures.

I had this moment, when I was deciding to pursue divorce, when I thought, "if I get divorced, no one will love me." And then I thought, "no one loves me now." And at least, divorced, I don't have the illusion that someone does. And the continual pain of them not loving me well, and treating me poorly.

Now, I just have the unpleasant ache of... nothing.

I miss my kid. I miss my... lie. My illusion. I could have gone home, and talked to H., and he would have said she hates me because I'm horrible, he would have said she hates me because I offended her, he would have called her a bitch and given me crappy, destructive advice.

But someone would have been there.