So.
Last night I didn't get much sleep.
In case I hadn't mentioned, I'm working weekends now. New job, new boss, new responsibilities. New schedule. I'm working weekends because they've fired every third person in my department and it was put to me that I would either work weekends or not work. Which would you choose?
So, while H works a regulation Monday to Friday 9 to 5 schedule, I put in 14 hour days on Saturday and Sunday.
It sucks.
But—NEVER FEAR!—H has not let this stop his social life. It just that his social life no longer includes me. I have three days off a week; he regularly schedules activities (that don't include me) so I see him, total, for about 45 minutes per day. I have stopped being someone that he tries to make time for. (Was I ever?) I am just the babysitter he does not have to pay for.
In fact, next month H wants to take Spunx on a ski trip to Pennsylvania. Without me. Or, maybe, leave Spunks with a friend and still go on a ski trip to PA. Without me. (And if you're wondering, I don't have enough time off left to take that weekend).
Last night, there was a big party given by a friend of H's. So H got a sitter and went. Without me. And he didn't get home until 4:30AM. Leaving me to deal with Spunx nighttime feedings and fussiness (I take care of Spunks on the nights that H works, and the deal was that H would reciprocate).
Now, I'll skip over the "we're so broke that" type whines (as in, we're so broke that we can't afford the extra babysitting hours and we're so broke we can't afford a new filter for the air filter).
To get to work on time, I have to be up by 6:30AM. So usually, I'm turning in at 10:00PM.
Last night, I got to get to bed about 12:30AM. And was woken shortly after. Twice.
Now, I don't know about you, but lack of sleep makes me sad. As in depressed. As in I've already burst into tears twice today (and once last night, which was actually past midnight, so you could say that I've cried three times today if you were anal about such things).
And I'm starting to realize that H doesn't like me a hell of a lot. And that H would prefer life... Without me.
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8 comments:
*hug*
Aw hon. Love to you.
Ah, crap. I hope you get both the sleep and the will. And some sense knocked into that husband of yours. I found that Mr Bea didn't *quite* get what it was all about for a while there. He would pout and carry on about "why can't I just... but I *want* to..." and I very nearly left at one point, but he came around, so hopefully H will, too.
Bea
You have both undergone a lot of changes in the last year. You struggled with infertility, a pregnancy, the loss of Spunks twin, the birth of Spunks, loosing Momma...thats a LOT. And while you were the majority share holder in that, DH was there too and he it seems is simply "acting out now" try to work through this as best you can. I imagine a year from now that the two of you will be as close as ever--the three of you I mean!
Oh, I'm sorry! Maybe it isn't that he doesn't like you or being with you he just gets to feel like a bachelor when you are at work. Not that that is right by any means, but he is a man and their minds operate a little screwy! I hope that things get better for you real soon.
It is painful to read this. I cannot understand how he would not be in love with and fully grateful for you, given how much you loved and cared for his mother. You have a hug from me.
sleep deprivation is so hard. It messes with your mind and heart. I hope that you and H will be able to get on the same page... and that you can get some sleep soon. I'm sorry it's been so tough.
I'm so sorry:-( (((hugs)))
Ah, Nica.
I know my husband and I have struggled a bit in our new status as parents. And, as Family pointed out, there have been a lot of changes to deal with lately.
I will hope that things change for the better soon. You deserve much better.
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